Teenstyle With Carla (S1E2)

Wow, what a week.

Welcome to TeenStyle, Episode Two. Before we get into this weeks Episode, we’ve got Fan Mail!

Rongo writes: “What the fuck is wrong with you, that’s horrible. Telling someone who actually IS worried about her body that she ‘isn’t trying hard enough’ is a little rude, considering I might be pregnant and all. You’re insulting to anyone who has ever had a problem with their weight. If you were shooting for levity, you missed.”

Well Rongo, in response your letter, I would make the assumption that life isn’t going all that well for you right now, and you’re probably angry because I am attractive. I don’t hate you for that, but I’d like to tell you that to be pretty on the outside, you have to be pretty on the inside first. Maybe that’s where you should start. When you flame someone else, you will always come out looking worse off. And in regards to your impending pregnancy, I hope that you can gain the maturity to be a good parent by the time you get to the push, and I’f you’ve got a problem with having this kid, maybe next time try closing your legs, rather than having it out for free like a Tame Grizzly at a Zoo.

Now, onto the topic for today. Social Networking. Websites like Facebook and Twitter may seem a little complex for all you B cup Peroxides out there, but trust me, when it comes to bitching about you’re friends behind their backs, sleeping with their boyfriends and bringing down that whore that wore the same dress as you to town, there is nothing that beats them. Tell me what you think, call in on 0800 Teenstyle and be into win this months edition of Cover Girl. Line one, welcome to Teenstyle.

Hi there Carla, I’m Emily

Hey there Emily, whats your bra size?

Ahh, 10C, why?

Oh, too small, sorry. We don’t tolerate mosquito bites on air. Next caller, we’re talking Twitter.

Hey Carla. I love my Twitter account, without it I’d actually have to pay to booty call people. Screw you Telecom, Twitter lets me do it for free.

Whats the talent like on Twitter? found any hotties?

The boys are ok, lots of Homo’s though. Fucking Fanny Bandits, one token gay is enough for me.

I know what you’re saying sister, there’s only so much boy on boy I can deal with before I need to vomit. So, who should we message if we want a cheap fuck darlin?

Well, I don’t normally kiss and tell, but if you’re after someone easy and disposable, hit up username Duncn, spelt d u n c n.

Good to see I’m not the only skank on the market, just stay away from my roots bitches, just because I’m not bedding them right now doesn’t mean I might not want to later.

(musical interlude, obviously not quite as effective written down)

time for a new segment now bitches! text in you’re sob story and Carla will help you solve it… hey hold on a fucking second, who the hell came up with this shit. I don’t wanna mediate the goings on of a bunch of sixteen year old tits and teeth whores… Fine! Fuck you too Steve!

Anne texts in “My boyf…” what the fuck is a boyf. “My boyf is sleeping with my best friend and wants us to have a threesome but I don’t think I’m ready for sex. what should I do?” Well Anne, we can only assume the real reason why you’re boyfriend is sleeping around is because he can’t get into the gates of the castle with you. Big fucking surprise moron.

Julia says “I can’t find a concealer to cover my acne scars… blah blah blah pizza face” honestly, people like you belong in special clinics with no windows so nobody can see you but if you must go outside, building sealant or a paper bag might just cover your ugly.

Samantha sends “Fuck you Carla, die in a hole you whorey bitch I hope you’re looking forward to being firebombed tonight you cunting fucktart.” Well RadioGuy, I’m glad to see that you have figured out how to send a text message, did your hairy european boyfriend Rodriquez teach you how in between your bondage and slavery sex sessions?

And on that note, I think it’s time to bid you all adieu! Until next week, this is Carla signing off.

Send you’re responses to the TeenStyle Studio here!